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Going with the flow

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Looking back at these pictures I was reminded that this trip almost failed from the beginning.

Last month I went on a yoga retreat with my mom to celebrate two very important milestones. It was in a beautiful location, with an amazing teacher, and the possibilities were endless; however, the trip didn’t start out so smoothly.

I’m a bit of a perfectionist and I like things a certain way (most of the time). I had planned out everything for this trip perfectly, but what I hadn’t accounted for was human error. In order for us to reach our final destination we had to take a little puddle jumper (twin engine) that flew from San José, Costa Rica to Puerto Jiménez on the Osa Peninsula. Well, I read the time wrong and we ended up missing the flight. Due to the size of the plane and the amount of travelers, the only flight we could get on was the following day at 5am. Everything is a bit matter-of-fact now, but when I was at the counter it was an entirely different story … the poor ticket agent! I was so upset that I started asking the (really nice) man behind the counter why was it that he couldn’t just hold the plane? I was pissed off at the airline, the airport, the people who couldn’t possibly detain a plane, and my mom for being so nice … but not once did I even stop to realize it was entirely my fault.
As I started to get more and more frustrated my mom took over and I stomped ofDSC_1715f to call my other half (Matt), my trip was officially ruined, or so I thought.
On the phone, Matt, very cleverly I might add, said that one of the reasons I was so upset was because I knew it was my fault that we missed the flight, and it was. I read the time wrong, my mom trusted me with the information and I royally screwed up.
My mom, being the wonderful person she is, said “let’s just make the most of it and have fun”, which echoed what my Matt had said just a few moments ago. True, but we were going to miss the first night of the retreat!!!!
Well, after I cDSC_1688almed down, I decided to follow her lead and we had the most amazing time exploring San José.

Things don’t always work out like you plan but sometimes that’s a good thing, and the memories we create from random adventures are SO worth it 🙂

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Lessons Learned …

As the L.A. Marathon approaches I was reflecting on my experience last year. I ran and finished the marathon at 190lbs (I have never shared this number before!)- the only other time I’d ever been close to this weight was when I was about to give birth to my daughter, and I quickly lost all my baby weight soon after. However, when my daughter was around 3, I started gaining weight: it was a combination of lifestyle changes, lack of exercise, and stress. Soon I was too embarrassed to go to my usual yoga class, too embarrassed to run, and so my exercising slowly came to a halt which, of course, led to more weight gain.

For so long I equated my physical appearance with self-esteem, how people liked me, how social I was, and when I no longer looked like my idea of my perfect self, I began to fall into a deep spiral of self hate. I would wake up in the morning and hate the person staring back at me, I felt ugly, unattractive, and worthless. I would profess self-love, and how amazing and unique we all are, but I felt like a total fraud. Why couldn’t I take my own advice? The person I was starting to turn into wasn’t me and I was utterly miserable.

This all changed during the marathon at mile 22. Suddenly, I was overcome with emotion as I realized that this BEAUTIFUL, STRONG body had taken me through 22 miles without injury, aches or pains, but with sheer determination. I thought back to how hard I’d been with myself over the past years, and how horrible I felt about my body, and yet, it still came through for me when I needed it the most. Overcome with gratitude and love, I began to cry. I made a promise, at that precise moment that I would love myself no matter what, and that I would always treat my body with the respect and care it deserved. Last November I ran the NYC Marathon and loved it. My time wasn’t that great but I was faster and stronger than before, I was also 20lbs lighter 😉

I refuse to let a silly number on a scale determine my self-worth. Whether I’m 160lbs or 120lbs, I’m still me, and I am healthier, happier, and more at peace with myself than I’ve ever been before.

Always remember that you are beautiful, unique, incredibly courageous, and deeply loved.

Here’s a pic from the 2014 marathon 😉

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